Production order: Unknown | ITC code: 5119 | Airdate order: 10 | DVD order: 09
Those Responsible
Writer: Leslie Darbon
Director: John Gilling
Where & When
Bay of Naples, Italy: August 14th
The Inexplicable Mystery
A limousine travelling through the hills outside Naples is ambushed, driving over a landmine before being riddled with machine gun fire. But when a farmer finds the burning wreck and drags out the passenger, he discovers it's nothing more than a wax dummy.
The Mystery Explained
Frederick, the king-in-exile of an unnamed country, has died, but the transfer of a large sum of money depends on his still being believed to be alive. So a dummy (which Jason nicknames "Charlie Crippen") was used as a stand-in to maintain that illusion - and to draw the fire of the factions from his homeland who still want him dead.
Review
I'm actually writing this opening paragraph before rewatching the episode for review, and this is the only episode of Department S that, if you asked me to explain from memory what happens, I'd be at a loss to do so. I've watched them all multiple times, but for some reason the complex web of plot and counter-plot and deception in this one refuses to stick in my mind. Maybe the mere act of taking notes will help it adhere, but... somehow I doubt it.
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| Peter Wyngarde's audition for the role of Marty Hopkirk. |
Okay, I'm back, having watched it again. Writing events down seems to have helped slightly, but the story still doesn't make a great deal of sense. There are multiple factions involved, the motivations of some of them being... well, confusing, to the say the least. They are as follows:
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| "And a look of supercilious disdain, Your Highness? Thank you." |
King Frederick: the king is dead! Long live the king - at least in appearance. Frederick was driven out of his own country by a military coup, moving to a villa in Italy to walk his dogs and presumably complain endlessly about not being able to sleep in his own gold-plated bed. Unfortunately, the air of Naples didn't agree with him (having been there, I'm not surprised) and he died of natural causes. His chief of staff Captain Svenoski and creepy bodyguard/personal assassin Slovic have since been maintaining the ruse that he is still alive, because...
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| The Italian version of Doctor Who came to a quick end. |
The military junta: has - for some completely inexplicable reason - agreed to pay the king half a million dollars. The king and Svenoski in turn were going to send this money right back to...
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| More an anagram than an epitaph. |
The pro-Frederick rebels: who want to reinstate their deposed monarch. This is a problem because A: he's dead, and B: thanks to A, the junta has no reason to hand over the money if they find out. That means the rebels will lack the resources to fight against both the junta and...
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| Annabelle had just had her hand swabbed with surgical alcohol. |
The anti-Frederick rebels: who are opposed to the junta and the king. This leads to them being categorised as "left-wing", but who knows, maybe they're just really aggressive social democrats? It's this group that attacked the limo and 'killed' Charlie Crippen (and his luckless driver, but not one single person expresses any interest in his sad fate), Frederick's location having been leaked to them by, er, the junta. Inexplicable decisions are apparently their defining feature as rulers. The limo, incidentally, belonged to...
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| The budget for prosthetic makeup was pretty small. |
Count Otto von Streicher: "one of the world's richest men", and the person for whom Department S first believe Charlie Crippen was a stand-in. If he were confirmed dead, the share price of his companies would plummet and - wait a minute, that sounds a bit familiar. Anyway, it turns out he's very much alive, much to Stewart and Jason's embarrassment after they break into his house intent on proving otherwise. He gave the limo to Frederick, because being a deposed royal obviously means you need charity. It's also implied that he's a member of...
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| "A what's head in my bed?" |
The Mafia: they don't really do anything in the story, but there's a scene where Jason is alarmed to discover that the Mark Caine novel he's signing is for the local Godfather, and a remark from the Countess Von Streicher later suggests that her husband was the recipient.
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| Jason King's greatest enemy: a slight breeze. |
That's a lot of factions, and it feels like at least half of them are superfluous. Von Streicher is nothing more than a red herring, the Mafia even more so, and the group that ambushed Frederick's car could just as easily have been agents of the junta itself rather than a rival group of rebels, except then the junta wouldn't need to send the ruler they kicked out half a million dollars, and oh my god I've gone cross-eyed. None of this makes sense! Why are the junta giving anything to the king? Seretse makes some comment about it being agreed at The Hague, but since when are military dictatorships legally bound to provide pensions for those they've deposed?
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| Before and after. There may be some insurance fraud going on. |
Seretse, incidentally, for the first time plays an active role in an investigation, coming to Naples and using his diplomatic authority to force a meeting with Svenoski. It's not much, though it must have been a pleasant change for Dennis Alaba Peters to go on location for once. Said location is a cemetery in Borehamwood rather than Italy, mind, but it beats being stuck in a soundstage.
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| "I demand an explanation! Preferably with a flowchart." |
What we end up with is a needlessly overcomplicated episode with essentially the same revelation as 'One Of Our Aircraft Is Empty', which in broadcast order was just five episodes earlier (though admittedly with a gap of several weeks over the summer of '69 - hmm, that would make a good song title...). Someone important is dead, but it's been covered up to ensure the transfer of some money. Wow. The repeated pursuit of leads that turn out to go nowhere just wastes time, and when the story finally trudges to its end, we get a farcical low budget, low speed car chase and gun battle that probably seemed great on paper but ends up looking more like the Keystone Kops or an episode of Police Squad! as both sides ineffectually spray gunfire at each other from a distance of about three feet.
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| The Importance Of Not Being Seen. [Boom!] |
It's not a good sign for a show that's based around bizarre mysteries to be recycling plots and gimmicks so quickly. And as we'll soon find out, this is far from the only example...
Fancy Quotes
[The Italian farmer channels Super Mario as he talks to Stewart]
Farmer: I'm-a tired! I'm-a hungry!
Jason: Oh, Stewart, do stop scratching on that wretched blackboard!
Stewart: Data has its uses.
Jason: You're even beginning to sound like her! That girl has had a terrible influence on you.
[Annabelle enters]
Jason: Oh, we were just talking about you.
Cheers!
• The very first thing we see after the opening credits is Jason with an entire decanter of whisky in hand, interrogating Charlie Crippen. It's a one-sided conversation, but then Jason may well be very drunk.
• Stewart later points out that Jason has got through two decanters while mulling the case. "I haven't touched a drop! It was Charlie, not me," insists the wordsmith.
• Jason and Stewart visit the Count; while waiting, Jason helps himself to a large glass of brandy, only to be appalled that their host has marked the decanter.
• Captain Svenoski offers Jason a drink. He of course accepts.
Fight!
Jason and Stewart break into the Count's mansion, only to set off an alarm within about ten seconds that summons his bodyguards. D'oh! Both men take a pounding before the Count appears and demands a cessation of hostilities.
Author! Author!
Jason signs several books for a fan, including Virgins Are Not and People In Glass Houses Should Not (a theme of his titling is becoming apparent).
This Looks Familiar
A sign with a couple of Italian words on it isn’t enough to disguise the Ancillary Building at Borehamwood.
The hospital treating Annabelle's photographer friend is home to a familiar overhead lighting grid.
