Production order: 08 | ITC code: 5123 | Airdate order: 12 | DVD order: 10
Those Responsible
Writer: Philip Broadley
Director: John Gilling
Where & When
The Costa Del Sol, Spain: July 31st
The Inexplicable Mystery
Two Americans, Thorn and Cal, retrieve a smirking plastic fish from beneath the waters of the Mediterranean. Thorn double-crosses his companion and shoots him - but is shot himself in return. A policeman who discovers the bodies also finds that the fake fish contains a hundred thousand US dollars.
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| Gul Dukat: Spanish Cop. YEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHH! |
The Mystery Explained
Counterfeit dollars are being printed in Spain by engraver Camilo Garria and smuggled across the Mediterranean to Tangier inside the plastic fish before being distributed globally, Garria's payment in real dollars being returned to him the same way. Garria's girlfriend Elaine had (presumably; it's never made clear) told Thorn and Cal about the operation, and they decided to help themselves to the money, only for Thorn to get greedy.
Review
Philip Broadley returns, with another story bearing all of his hallmarks: contrivances, padding and long scenes following the personal lives of characters we don't care about. Oh, and Stewart/Annabelle 'shipping, as the pair pose as newlyweds.
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| "You gave me money for my birthday? What, am I twelve?" |
'The Treasure Of The Costa Del Sol' isn't so much an investigation as a series of vaguely connected scenes through which our heroes amble, having clues thrust into their hands every so often. One of the few believable bits is that it took six weeks for Department S to be called in on the curious case of the fake fish, rather than El Plod giving up at once in the face of something slightly bemusing. But after that, it could very well be the inspiration for The Comic Strip's spoof Detectives On The Edge Of A Nervous Breakdown, in which "Jason Bentley" reveals that his crime-solving technique is simply to drink a lot of fine alcohol and wait for the solution to present itself, at which point he has everyone arrested. ('The Pied Piper Of Hambledown' and 'The Man From X' are also referenced pretty directly!)
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| Less 'international man of mystery', more 'your drunk uncle at the golf club'. |
So how do our heroes have the solution presented to them here? Firstly Jason works his way through all 51 names in Thorn's little black book (padding!), ending with Elaine, of whom the dead man had a picture in a locket - maybe he should have started with her, then? After watching some flamenco dancing (padding!) and chatting her up, he's promptly given a beating by Darth Vader. No, really; the towering thug is played by Dave Prowse, one of the few interesting things about the episode. This tells Jason that she's connected to the money found in the fish, rather than, as most people would think, she has a very jealous boyfriend.
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| "Can you sign it 'Darth Farmer'? Hur hur hur - ow!" |
Stewart then meets Seretse, who shows him a counterfeit banknote. It was found in Chicago, but Stewart instantly leaps to the deduction that it's connected to the money found in the fish on the grounds that... both are dollars? It's a mystery. Anyway, that brings him and Annabelle to Spain, where Jason, having conveniently been given Elaine's address by a waiter who is also a Mark Caine fan, has meanwhile followed her to the home of her boyfriend Garria. Jason knows he's the bad guy because... he's psychic, I guess.
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| "Yes! I got the part of Von Smallhausen on 'Allo 'Allo! I'm rich!" |
Stewart and Annabelle come up with a ruse to visit Garria at home so they can plant a bug (warrants? Pah! Department S laughs at your puny due process), which overhears him talking on the phone. The conversation is deliberately innocuous, but the listeners still decide it's code for another exchange of real money for counterfeit. Stewart and Jason break into Garria's villa, the guard dogs that chased Jason on his previous visit seemingly now out on a very long walk, whereupon Garria's strange little 'friend' Maxime delivers an even stranger performance by dancing right past them in a drunken frenzy and leading them straight to Garria's hidden printing press, throwing around armfuls of fake cash as if to say "yep, here it is, now arrest us all."
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| "Annabelle, you look like a packet of Refreshers." |
Garria himself is less than pleased and catches the intrepid pair at gunpoint, but since he has the gullibility of a toddler playing peekaboo and the reactions of a drugged sloth he falls for a distraction created by Jason and Stewart shoots him dead. The team then fills the plastic fish with indelible dye so that anyone handling its contents can be identified and arrested. Jason makes a bad joke, and the end mercifully arrives.
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| Spain. And not Branksome Beach in Poole. No, not at all. |
Not much of a mystery, then; rather, a crime plot that could have been written for any of ITC's adventure shows, with grinning fake fish added in a feeble attempt to make the case seem odd enough to justify Department S's interest. It also spends far too much of its running time watching Garria and Elaine eat and bicker about their relationship (they have three separate dining scenes - padding! Padding! Padding!), though it will turn out to be far from the worst offender in Broadley's oeuvre in this regard.
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| Philip Broadley, hard at work. |
There isn't even an explanation for how Thorn and Cal got hold of a map to the money drop in the first place. It's hardly surprising that not only Jason, but Stewart and Annabelle too, spend most of the episode drinking - they're trying to overcome boredom.
Fancy Quotes
Annabelle: Neither boy has a record, and none of their contacts are criminals.
Jason: Well, some criminals are never found out.
Annabelle: I'm looking at the proof.
Cheers!
• After being mocked by Annabelle, Jason consoles himself with a glass of whisky from the office's decanter.
• His investigation of Thorn's girlfriends leads him to Anita, a woman so boring and self-obsessed that even our hero walks out on her advances. Not before having another glass, however.
• Thorn's next girlfriend, Estelle (whom it's heavily implied was charmed into bed by Jason the previous night), also pours him a glass of well-matured brown fluid.
• After having worked his way through Thorn's first fifty exes, Jason lies in bed (alone!) and relaxes with another glass while talking to Annabelle on the phone.
• He has a glass of (Spanish, non-vintage) champagne - so cava, then - while drawing #51, Elaine, in a restaurant.
• Unable to take a hint after being beaten up, Jason returns to the restaurant to look for Elaine. He's barely in his seat before ordering a large whisky, which he downs in one!
• Chased off Garria's estate by guard dogs, an annoyed Jason grabs another large glass of Scotland's finest when he returns to his hotel room.
• Jason helps himself to a glass of the late Garria's booze while waiting for the latest exchange of plastic fish.
• Stewart drives Jason's Bentley to the rendezvous point, because its pisshead owner is sprawled on the back seat with a flask of whisky in his hand!
Fight!
Jason feels the force of a nasty kick to the groin from Darth Vader, which renders him insensate. Adding insult to injury, his attackers throw him into a ditch and steal his car! KO!
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| Jason 5, Stewart 3. |
Garria's bodyguards arrive in the hidden cellar slightly too late to save their boss. This demoralises them so much that Stewart is able to take them both out with a couple of punches.
Author! Author!
Mentions for literary masterpieces Two Plus One Equals Murder and Virgins Are Not.
This Looks Familiar
The corridor gets a spangly makeover to play the role of a hallway in Elaine's apartment building.